Pants Off Dance Off

Sorry, this isn't about me with no pants on.

The saga of my pants continues…. Today I forgot my belt and I am having issues keeping my pants up. I’m not totally afraid they are going to fall down or anything—believe me, I have enough ass-ets to hold them up, if you know what I mean. Still, they are pretty baggy to begin with since they are dress pants. They fit perfectly everywhere else except my waist so a belt is necessary. I cannot walk from my office to the bathroom without having to hike them up a bit (ok, way more than a bit). I don’t want them to sag so much it looks like I have the longest crotch in the world, but if I hike them up and roll the waistband down…holy camel toe.


I think maybe this is a sign that I need to spend a little bit more time shopping for clothing. Gone are the days of just picking something up and knowing it will fit just fine…even if it doesn’t I’ve always just been able to put a belt, cardigan, safety pin, something to make it fit a little better or not look so lazy.

Ugh…this is the part of growing up and having a real job that sucks. I wish I could go back to wearing khaki pants and a red shirt (or black pants and a white shirt at Starbucks) at Target. I’ve often said I’d do that job again if it meant working with the guys (and Sara) I used to work with and make the salary I make now. Those were some good times…probably the best I’ve had at a job. Ahh, memories. Isn’t it funny to think about things like that? Where you met some of the friends you have now and how far you’ve come.

Let’s take two of the guys I used to work with…Bret and Joey. Back in the day they could be found laughing at some phallic bread during the closing shift. Better yet, putting that bread on the prep trays and having it baked the next morning (with chocolate chip enhancements). Or perhaps humping inanimate objects? Posing the Starbucks plush toys into inappropriate positions? Where are these two now? Joey is an accountant, married to Jen, and is one of the best fathers I’ve ever seen. Bret works in management for Macy’s, is married, and has 3 of the cutest little boys I’ve ever seen.

But believe me, they are still the same guys from our Target days…just not in front of the kids.

Ohhh and just in case you don't believe me... here is the photographic proof of the plush orgy (click to enlarge and look closely). Shame on you, Joey.

Alison Roberts

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