Losing My Virginity

Friday, July 17 is a day I will never forget. It started out like any other Friday; I got up, showered, and went to work–nothing spectacular. I was vaguely aware in the back of my mind that Friday evening I would lose my virginity at 28–shh, Im a late bloomer. As the day went on the reality set in and by the time work was over I was anxious, nervous, and kind of nauseated–is that normal? I imagine so.


Everyone has to, right?

The hour approached..was I ready for this? Is it really the right time? What if I get hurt, God forbid. I’ve heard stories… Well, regardless, the time came and I was on my way. That was the night I lost my virginity—my Worlds of Fun Virginity.

Yes, it may seem odd, but until that night I was a 28-year-old Worlds of Fun (WoF) virgin, laugh if you want. I have lived in Kansas for about 22 years and my family never made the trip to WoF in KC. I think we went to Joyland once and I got sick–that was the end of our amusement park adventures.

Necia picked me up and we were off to KC–once we finally made it to the entrance I felt like I was in the movie National Lampoons Vacation (a movie, might I add, that Necia had NOT seen…really?!), particularly the scene when they first arrive at WallyWorld and the parking lot is empty…they find a spot in the back “so they can beat the crowd at the end of the day” and run up to the front gate only to find that it is closed. I love that movie.


My stomach was filled with butterflies. You have to understand…I love rollercoasters, it’s the part before getting on them that freaks me out. I get really tense and my palms start to sweat–its not pretty. Waiting in line only freaks me out more–especially a long line. Let me set the scene for you…


We walked up to the line and it moves pretty quickly. The whole time I was looking up at the first big climb (that is REALLY high, if you havent been) and getting more nervous the closer the line moved. Well, we were finally up at the platform and this littel girl just starts bawling (no, not me) and saying “Why are you making me do this!?” Tears were just streaming down her face and she was NOT having it. I told Necia I was planning to act like that momentarily. We got in the car and the “Ride Ambassador/Operator” said “Watch out riders, cause Mamba is about to strike” stomp stomp hiss…for real? That was really lame.

The first climb was all I expected it to be and more. I freaked out… I was trying to hold my breath because the height and drops were making stomach turn and I couldnt even open my eyes. There was one point when I opened my eyes to see us going around a curve and the support posts getting closer and closer to our heads. Yeah, I shut my eyes again. I think that was the scariest ride ever for me. I needed a pair of “oops I crapped my pants” adult diapers. Good thing it was the first ride. After that it was gonna be easier, right? Ugh. I wish.


A couple of girls from work told me that the people watching was AMAZING at WoF–and if you know me, you know I LOVE to people watch (and make comments, of course). They were right. It was fantastic. Necia will have to fill in anyone I miss:

-We walk into the park and the first thing we hear from a little kid while we walked to Mamba was “It smells like farts” so that became the phrase of choice for me.

-while waiting in line for Prowler this guy was in front of us with CRAZY hair that he kept pulling on and making it stick straight up. He did this the whole time we were in line…when he wasnt grabbing his girlfriends ass. He was also dressed like a 12-year-old.

-Also in the Prowler line there was a rather tall black man in a ankle length kimono type thing with slicked back long hair. I hope the ride didnt mess it up.

-Probably the best were the little boy and girl we shared the car with on Spinning Dragons, the “baby coaster” as Necia called it…maybe there were like 4-year-olds riding it, but I swear those were screams of death coming from the ride. We got into the car and the little girl, who was probably 6, told us not to rest our heads against the back because it will stop suddenly and hurt, sure enough.. it did. Then Necia asked them if they had ridden the ride a lot. Im not sure if the little girl answered her, but the little boy looked at me in all seriousness and said “I have to pee.” Blunt, to the point…thanks for letting me know you might pee on me during the ride kid. I told him as we were on the first climb that I would try not to puke on him if he tried not to pee on me. He said ok. Necia and I laughed hysterically for the whole ride.

All in all it was a great trip. The rest of the coasters were great. Prowler, the new wooden coaster was cool because it was pitch black and all I could see when I did open my eyes were all the wood planks everywhere–kinda scary-cool. We also got to watch the fireworks from the coaster as we rode which was awesome.

I loved the Patriot–something about being seated with my feet dangling and feeling completely strapped in is comforting when you are flying through the air.

By the way… the catch phrase for the prowler was “Watch out riders, cause a black cat is about to strike RAWR…rabble rabble (or something). What I wouldnt give to be a Ride Ambassador. Thanks to Benjy (for his ticket) and Necia for taking my WoF virginity.

Alison Roberts

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1 comment:

  1. erin
    Haha, I was just at a bachelorette party this weekend where some of the party had been at WoF before dinner, and I heard all about the great people watching! I don’t think I’ve been since middle school.


    2009 July 27 anythingbutali permalink
    It was amazing Erin. No lie. At least you were exposed to WoF before you turned 18… I felt a void in my life that is now filled

    You need to tell me more about this move to CO! Im sad you wont be at the reunion We could have sat at the same table and re-enacted sophomore year lunches!


    2009 July 27 Necia permalink
    One of the most memorable nights of my life! Great recap! The only other thing I remembered was the “thug gang” in front of us, in line for the Spinning Dragons


    2009 July 27 anythingbutali permalink
    Ohh! Of course! the thug gang… there was a girl and three guys in front of us in line for Spinning Dragons–the girls boyfriend almost lifted up the girls shirt saying “who wants to see boobies?!” Then they started talking about how he took a picture that had “full on nipple”.

    I looked at Necia and said the girl would be pregnant in 6 months (or something like that). Necia’s response? “Try 5 minutes.” They were so gross. One guy was rockin rotting teeth and Mizzou sandals, go figure. I predict they went home and had some “gang bang” action.

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