This is Why I Hate Monkeys

Okay… so some of you might not know this…but I HATE monkeys. I usually list them on things I am afraid of in the form of rabid monkeys, but in general, I do not like monkeys. They creep me out…a lot. Especially when they are dressed up in people clothes. I find it disturbing that their DNA is only 2 matches away from ours but in those 2 little matches all sorts of crazy shit happens.

For instance, did you read this story about the “pet” chimp, Travis, that flipped out and attacked someone savagely? Well if not, here it is along with the frantic 911 call its insane. I guess Travis had been his owners “pet” for many years and just recently started acting strange and aggitated because he was suffering from Lyme Disease (which causes rage in monkeys as a damn symptom). I have so many problems with this story its not even funny.

-no one should have a “pet” monkey. They are wild animals, I dont care what you say. Just like any animal they can turn violent at the drop of a hat.

-Travis grabbed the keys and let himself out of the house…hello!? If he could take the keys and let him out of the house, what other keys could have have grabbed–I wouldnt have been surprised if he took the car keys and drove himself around.

-He attacked the woman unprovoked….and pretty much mauled her. Insane!

-the owner totally catered to him as if he was her child. I think she might have some mental problems. Yes, I understand that he was “all she had left” and if I were in her position…only with a cat, I would probably spoil her by getting her better cat food, there is no way I would make her lobster, steak, or let her borrow my car.

Grr! I just have a strong distaste for monkeys that people have as pets. The little ones with the diapers on, the biggers ones with people clothes on, the ones throwing poop at other monkeys or picking stuff off others and eating it. Gross. I dont know if I’ve gotten this point across….but I really dont like monkeys.

*shudder* I think if I had to choose a “worst way to die” would be to be mauled by a monkey.

Alison Roberts

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1 comment:

  1. Sarah...the girl you will actually be meeting in 3 months...
    I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m pretty much a doctor (yes, it’s an ongoing joke…).

    I’m thinking that the monkey had a brain tumor. Violent reactions like that happen in humans, too. Even if the person has been super-calm their whole life, a brain tumor pushing on random areas of the brain can cause crazy behavior.

    Be assured that a random monkey in people clothes will not attack you on the street. Honestly, I would be more concerned about random humans.


    2009 February 21 anythingbutali permalink
    I know they wont come attack me.. but I try not to put myself in positions where there is even a possibility.

    Just not a monkey fan. We will not be going to any crazy monkey shows in Vegas…. if you guys go, I will be opting out.


    2009 February 21 Julie permalink
    So, I can’t bring my pet Orangutan with us to Vegas?


    2009 February 21 anythingbutali permalink
    Uhh.. yes.. thats exactly what it means.


    2009 February 22 Terri permalink
    Monkeys are nasty, vile, disgusting creatures. I’m an animal lover. I detest people who wear fur, am a member of the ASPCA and WWF, but there’s no way I could ever like a monkey. If they all vanished from the earth tomorrow I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash.


    2009 February 22 anythingbutali permalink
    My thoughts exactly! I love animals and dont know how people can abuse them, but Im not sure Id be opposed to hitting a monkey.


    2009 February 22 heidi permalink
    he would take the keys and drive himself around the neighborhood on occasion!!! he would also drink wine out of a stemmed wine class, and eat lobster and filet mignon. crazy.


    2009 July 23 Eddie permalink
    I love Animals……but Monkeys should be BEATEN AND KILLED…SHOULD BE USED IN RESEARCH……I would like to have a zoo with only Monkeys in it…At this zoo you could go and beat monkeys…nothing is better than a stinking monkey being BEATEN HARD…Rub its ugly face in poop Knock its teeth out with a bat START IT ON FIRE AND WATCH IT GO…kICK THEM IN THE NUTS WITH STEEL TOE BOOTS…HANG THERE YOUNG BY THE NECK AND MAKE THEM WATCH AND BEAT THEM AT THE SAME TIME UGLY STINKING STUPID POOP EATERS


    2009 August 18 misspegasus permalink
    monkeys are nice when they are nice. monkeys are scary when they are angry.

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